if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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