not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
