Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize