i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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