What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
