what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Watching her eat just hurts me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
