I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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