Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
