There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
