youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.