I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize