shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning