i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You are a genius and a whore.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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