Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
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I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
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fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?