My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
