Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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