Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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