considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
two words: eviction party
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
