I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
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Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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