but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
