i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
