im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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