'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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