there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
