The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
