Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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