I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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