i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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