Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
