Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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