walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
