he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
