Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
