so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
