I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
