No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
