My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
