My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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