"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
