just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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