Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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