U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
