I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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