I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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