my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
