I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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