No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Randomize
