she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I still have a little drunk in my system
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
