i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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