so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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