You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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