I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
