i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
