dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So. Much. Porn.
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