i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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