Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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