he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
