I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
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During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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