I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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