a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
