I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
