I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
