Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
someone threw a dead crab at me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
