I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
