WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
