I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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