My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
