Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
