Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
