Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
