I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
