Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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