hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
