I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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