Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
