that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't turn off my feet"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
