weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
